Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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