Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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