Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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