Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I know her cup size but not her name....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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