you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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