I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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