I wanna bring you to show and tell
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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