so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
