I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
