conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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