he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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