she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
