can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
