Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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