Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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