apparently the secret to your success is patron
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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