Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
