she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
