dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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