I'm really into asian looking animals
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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