I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
