I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
