My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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