i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
