Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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