its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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