Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
