Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
