Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
