My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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