My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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