So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
