Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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