That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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