It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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