i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
