did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
