So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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