Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
