The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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