She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you traded sex for a burrito?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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