We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
