So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
