everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
