Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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