Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
