We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
