Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
