you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
