god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
