I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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