The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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