she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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