U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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