There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
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