I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
