My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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