When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
