Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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