as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
