Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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