I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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