Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
