what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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