She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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