I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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