I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
