My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
