Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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