dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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