i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
