I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
