I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
