If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
