Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
