There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
