I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
