hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
