"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
